Mine Your Own Business/Decoy for a Dognapper
Mine Your Own Business
We open on the town of Gold City, an abandoned mining town in a thunderstorm. Seems like an unideal spot to visit. Anyway, the Mystery Machine is lost in the middle of the desert because Shaggy has been reading the map upside down. They arrive at Gold City and the resident vulture starts shrieking at them. They decide to spend the night at the Gold City Guest Ranch despite (or because of) the fact that it looks haunted.
They’re greeted by Big Ben, a man who is built like a gigantic brick house. Big Ben has Hank the caretaker, the resident Igor, take them to their rooms. Velma can’t understand why the hotel is empty. Well, Velma, look at the thunderstorm and giant vulture. It’s not exactly mining town tourist season.
Hank tells them the legend of the Miner 49er, a ghost who’s looking for the legendary gold deposit that eluded him in life. He’s scared off all the guests despite just being a man with a big bushy beard.
The gang decides to go investigate and see what they can find in the ghost town. Shaggy smartly points out that they will probably find ghosts. They enter a saloon and a piano starts to play by itself! Oooooooooh. It’s just a player piano. Not one of the better reveals on the show.
The gang begins to investigate a hotel. Scooby looks into a mirror and instead of his own reflection finds the Miner 49er! He runs off and slams into a hollow cigar store Indian. A map of Gold City is concealed inside. Shaggy hopes the map leads to a fortune of buried chocolate cheeseburgers. That sounds truly disgusting!
Anyway, they deduce the combo to a safe in the lobby. Shaggy reveals he’s an expert safecracker and begins to pick the lock. Fred lets him go for a while before telling him he could just look at the combination. Does Shaggy rob banks in his spare time? Feels worth investigating. The safe conceals a dumbwaiter that everyone wants to go investigate immediately. Scooby is reluctant but is persuaded by two Scooby Snacks.
Fred is shocked that they’ve landed in the mine but I’m not sure what else he was expecting. A volcano? A lost world populated with dinosaurs? A mine seems very reasonable compared to the other options. Shaggy lights some dynamite that he assumes are candles. The dynamite explodes and kills Shaggy and Scooby sending their limbs flying everywhere. Kidding! They throw it away and laugh It off as some wacky hijinks.
The gang splits up. Scooby finds the Miner 49er almost immediately and shuts the door in his face. He makes Shaggy look and the miner is gone. Scooby opens the door and the miner reappears. The miner continues his effective gaslighting campaign before finally revealing himself to Shaggy. They scram.
Meanwhile, Fred falls into a giant pile of flour. Shaggy and Scooby run into him and assume he’s a ghost. They jump into some mine carts to run away but of course the miner is already there! They reenact the chase scene from Temple of Doom before running into the rest of the gang.
Daphne has fallen into a mineshaft off camera. But don’t worry, she climbed out, also off camera! The gang hears a mysterious moaning but find a tape recorder hooked up to some speakers which is causing it. Shaggy finds a container of chocolate syrup and excitedly thinks he’s close to discovering the cache of chocolate covered cheeseburgers. Buzzkill Fred reveals it’s actually oil. It’s honestly a miracle Shaggy hasn’t poisoned himself yet.
The gang rigs up a trap where Scooby pretends to be a train and runs the Miner 49er over. Shaggy does train sound effects over the speakers. It’s very effective. They hit the miner and find out he’s (GASP) wearing stilts. That means it has to be Hank, the one suspicious character they met. Not much of a mystery!
Upon being caught, Hank says “Aw dag nabbit.” He doesn’t sound that upset.
It turns out he was trying to scare people away so he could capitalize off of the black gold hidden away, an oil deposit! Hank is arrested though it’s unclear what crimes he is being charged with other than dressing up and playing spooky sounds.
Big Ben laments the fact that they could have been partners. He reveals that he is actually RuPaul and immediately begins fracking in Gold City. Everyone lives happily after!
Memorable Dialogue
“Like, why couldn’t you have been a poodle?” Shaggy moans when Scooby falls on top of him.
“If I had a face like that, I’d moan too.” - Shaggy on the miner 49er.
Scooby Snack Stock Market
It takes a piddling two Scooby Snacks to convince Scooby to descend into potentially the bowels of hell via dumbwaiter.
Where does the gang live?
This really throws all the previous New England assumptions for a loop. We’re definitely in the American Southwest here. Perhaps they were on spring break?
Overall Rating: 2/5 Scooby Snacks. This episode is not terribly exciting despite a promising location. The Miner 49er is just an old man who groans a lot. It’s hard to get a lot of mileage out of that no matter how many gags you throw in the mix.
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Decoy for a Dognapper
This episode did not play heavily in the Cartoon Network reruns so my memory of it is very spotty.
We open in the daytime! A fun change of pace. Scooby is just walking along leashless and carefree. He sees a sexy poodle dog! Awooga! He slicks back his ears and gets her some flowers. The poodle gives him the cold shoulder. She is immediately kidnapped! Serves her right for rejecting my sweet boy Scooby-Doo.
The gang is partying on the beach again. All they do is solve mysteries, have midnight beach parties and get lost in the desert. The radio reveals that there are dognappers on the prowl and this is their third victim! They’re after prize dog show contestants. Buck Masters, a hotshot dog owner, is offering a reward for whoever can find the dogs. Finally, the gang will be compensated for their labor! Buck Masters is skeptical of the kids. It’s almost as if he doesn’t know they caught Bluestone the Great, the phantom magician bandit! They need a better PR team.
The gang decides to use Scooby as a decoy for another famous show dog and plant a tracker in his collar. Scooby is shocked that he’ll be a decoy, but what, are they supposed to use Velma? Scooby is offered two Scooby Snacks for his trouble but Shaggy eats them because he’ll be the one walking Scooby. Scooby gets a pity Scooby Snack anyway.
The gang realizes no one would want to kidnap Scooby as he currently looks, which gives Scooby a serious case of body dysmorphia. They decide to fix the problem by giving him a bath and a shiny new collar. Shaggy, in a gigantic trenchcoat, takes Scooby for a walk at midnight. Prime kidnapping hours. Shaggy loudly reminds Scooby that he’s a decoy which seems unideal when you’re trying to get people to think you’re the real thing.
A van kicks up a bunch of smoke and Scooby is dognapped in the chaos! Shaggy is distraught and gives chase in a motor scooter. Shaggy is in hot pursuit but a ghost Native American who Shaggy racistly refers to as “Geronimo” attacks him.
Scooby is taken to the dog owner’s compound where a masked man in Native American garb (uh, oh boy!) declares he’s obviously a fake, crippling his self-esteem. He calls him a mutt! “Geronimo” tells the evil driver to send Scooby down the mountain. The gang catches up to Shaggy and Velma finds a “rare Indian Tomahawk.” I’m beginning to see why this episode hasn’t done well in syndication.
Scooby is sent down the mountain in a mine cart but the gang catches up to him. Shaggy jumps on the mine cart which goes on a bridge, but a train is coming the other way!! Shaggy pulls the brake and hand pushes them the other way. The train’s about to hit when Fred hits a switch and they get off the main track. Phew! I was sweating.
The gang does some more mystery solving that is frankly racially problematic at best. They find a compound up in the mountains. Fred’s idea to get up there is to fling themselves up in a gigantic slingshot. They do so offscreen.
Upon arrival at the village, a bunch of bats steal Velma’s glasses and plop them on Scooby’s head. It’s kind of a look.
Meanwhile, Daphne falls through ANOTHER trap door.
Shaggy and Scooby find a secret cache of dog food and they decide to indulge themselves. I’m a little concerned at how much Shaggy enjoys dog food. Scooby falls through a trap door and finds Daphne tied up. He frees her.
Fred opens a secret passage and finds Velma sitting there. He asks her how she got there and she says “I don’t know.” A lot of important action happening off camera in these episodes. They free the rest of the dogs and Scooby asks them where the dognappers are. They run off and back into Shaggy who is enjoying his dog food sandwich.
They track down “Geronimo” and tear him to shreds. Just kidding. They unmask him and it’s Buck Masters. He asks them why they didn’t mind their own business. Uh, MAYBE it’s because you HIRED them to find the missing dogs, genius. He did it all to rig the dog show in his favor in a very convoluted way.
Buck Masters is arrested by the police and subsequently canceled for racism and cultural appropriation.
Memorable Dialogue
“This is real. Like in the movies.” – Shaggy
Scooby Snack Stock Market
Scooby is offered two Scooby Snacks to get kidnapped which seems like a serious undervaluation. He doesn’t even get them because Shaggy ends up eating them, leaving Scooby with a measly consolation Scooby Snack. This raises the important question of Scooby Snack scarcity. Why not just give Scooby two Scooby Snacks anyway? Has inflation rendered them unaffordable? Is Fred hoarding the last box in existence? I hope we find the answer to these mysteries someday.
Where does the gang live?
Another episode in the American Southwest. But they can get there from the beach in about an hour which honestly leaves me clueless. Are they in Texas maybe? Is this part of their spring break from the miner episode? It’s a mystery.
Overall Rating: 1/5 Scooby Snacks. This episode has a promising start with the dognapping mystery but quickly devolves when the Native American elements are introduced. All the racist stuff aside, it feels like two episodes fused together and neither ends up satisfying.
Next: What the Hex Going On? and Never Ape An Ape Man in which Scooby investigates a giant ape and a guy wearing blue makeup